Wednesday, April 28


Prologue: I don't know if I'm just extra-emotional these days, or if I'm embarking on a new stage of being more personal in this blog, but here's another visceral post about what's on my mind and heart right now.

It's Lauren's birthday today. She would've been 30 if CF hadn't taken her nearly six months ago.

I'm listening to that Savage Garden album (Affirmation) she always used to play while she was getting ready in the morning. When she was still working, I heard this music nearly every day coming out of the the CD player she kept in the bathroom. My favorite from it, "I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You," is currently playing.

Brad sits and listens for a bit...

Ooh. "Crash and Burn" really hits me differently now. I'm realizing that I haven't listened to these tunes in a long time.

Anyway, I've taken the day off of work. I'm planning to go up and spend some time with my in-laws today, and we're going to see an Angels game. Then, since I realized I'd be home this morning, I've arranged to have a plumber come fix a faucet and I'll run a couple errands before I head to Ontario. (Finally I'll get the Prius back after a month-long repair job!)

More listening...

"You Can Still Be Free" is a great song, and appropriate for today. As I've mentioned before, the peace and strength I've had in this whole process of dealing with Lauren's death has been amazing. I've never quite understood it, but it's getting easier to accept the gift of joy God has presented.

As I recently told a friend, I'm doing really well in general, but I'm a little afraid of embracing that "doing well" too tightly for fear of losing my grip on the memory of Lauren. She assured me that I'll never forget; of course that's obvious, but I can't claim that everything running through my mind has been completely rational these days. It's nice to be nudged toward reality from time to time, though... I do have a tendency to get lost in thoughts and theories and "what if"s.

Well, the album is over, and the beginning of the plumber's arrival window is approaching, so I should get dressed. As I've told people over and over, the thing I need most right now is prayer, so if you happen to run across this please keep me in yours.

UPDATE: I feel compelled to add this quote from Lauren:
"You never know how much you can face until you turn around and see that it's now behind you."
Very well said.

1 comment:

RubeRad said...

Have a nice day. Sincerely, have a nice day!

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The Geek Code desperately needs updating, but in any case here's mine (as of 2010-02-28):

Version: 3.12
GIT/MU d+(-) s:+>: a C++> ULXB++++$ L+++ M++ w--() !O !V P+ E---
W+++ N o++ K? PS PE++ Y+ PGP t !5 X- R- tv+@ b++ DI++++ D--- e*++
h--- r+++ y+++ G+

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